Spring of 2003—It is 2:30am. I am sitting in my room still trying to figure out what happened. My heart is beating extremely fast as if I had 5 bottles of Red Bull. Now I know what it means when people say “my life flashed before my eyes”. I just couldn’t believe myself for getting into that kind of a situation. Was I THAT dumb? I could have been killed!! What was I thinking?!
With a sigh of relief, I looked at the clock again. Only a minute had gone by. Anyhow, the worst had passed, and I should be good to go now. Right? Then, why am I still in the mode of “my life flashing before my eyes”…………….
I was born in 1985 in Korea to a faithful Christian family (or at least family that went to church faithfully). My parents had always gone to church and both of them became a Christian at a young age. However, I was also born into an unsuccessful businessman and a mother who did not work.
In the summer of 1996, my family moved to the land of milk and honey, the land where anything is possible—the United States. We lived in the ghettos of Columbia, SC as my dad found his new calling of becoming a church pastor. He started taking classes while only making $1500 on a good month. Financial crisis had begun all over again. We were still going to church faithfully, and I got baptized along with all the other 12-year-olds who were pretty much forced to go through with it. I knew life shouldn’t be this way, but I didn’t know what was wrong with it. I hated life.
After few years had passed, my family decided to move to Atlanta, GA with hopes of more opportunities for my dad. None came. Where was God that my parents prayed to? Where was Jesus who came to rescue us? I came to hate everything that my parents stood for and everything Christianity had to offer. I committed myself to never become like them and never to be in a financial struggle.
As I entered high school, I was given an unique opportunity to make lots of money (euphemism for profiting from illegal activities). I was racing cars on the weekends, taking my first drink as a 14 year old—Glenfiddich Single Malt Scotch 15 Years (I know, I remember the most random things)—and selling dope on the side for extra cash.
My parents? They were oblivious. I got straight A’s for the most part and I did some sports. I went to church, attended youth group, went on mission trips, and every now and then I would read the Bible. I actually got them to think that I was a good kid! Even some of my not-so-close friends thought I was a just a good church kid. My parents were so deceived that they took pride in their parenting abilities and raising a well-crafted Christian kid. Life is good when you are invincible.
My whole life was solely built on my ability to impress other people. Nothing more, nothing less.
………….…I’m back in my room. My adrenaline is still pumping. My body is shivering. I could still see the barrel of the gun held by a Vietnamese gangster pointed straight at my face. I was so scared that my legs went numb. Then I heard the sound that I had always feared and avoided, but tonight I listened to it as if it were music to my ears. Cops were coming, and everyone split up. I got back home safely, ran into the house, and into my room. I just sat down on my bed not really knowing what had exactly happened and what I needed to do.
For the first time in a long time, I felt the need to pray and actually have a conversation with God. I blamed God for leaving me. I was angry that He had left me. Then I started to remember the message of the gospel. How we are saved by grace through faith. How I am born a sinner. How Jesus died for my sins so that my broken relationship with God could be reconciled. My life was built on trusting myself, and not on the Lord. My prayers turned into repentance, and I committed myself to Jesus Christ. This took about two hours. I finally fell asleep around 5:00am.
I am not exactly sure if this was the time I ACTUALLY became a Christian, but my life hasn’t been the same since. Praise the Lord.
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